Tuesday, 21 April 2009

A Life in the Day


I woke up!

Took a Shower.

Watched some Jeremy Kyle.

Walked up to the ward.
Had ward round.
Went to Morrisons as I'd heard a rumour they've started to sell pic 'n mix...
...which turned out to be true!
Had some lunch.

More Jeremy Kyle!
I tidied up - before...
... and after!
Finished my Easter Egg. Was given to me by the ward. I got two... I'm special don't you know!
Chatted to Madsadgirl on the 'phone.
Had some dinner!
Settled down to watch TV and...
now I'm off to crochet!

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Earning My Keep

So I’m currently back on the ward and today I got to play at being a nurse for a bit!

I was waiting for my social worker to arrive for my ward round and thus poking my head round the door every two minutes when a nurse, trying to persuade a patient not to leave, asked me where HCSW ‘J’ was. I piped up: “In the female lounge” and was then asked to go and see if she could come and help said nurse. HCSW ‘J’ jumps off the sofa ("Thanks Darlin'") and heads to the entrance and (drum roll please!!!) hands me the obs board!!! I’m asked to hand it into the office... which I do... but there are no nurses in the office so I kind of loiter (with intent – and the board facing downwards) until one appears. Gosh I felt all special and proud of myself!

Sunday, 15 February 2009

25 Things...

A meme that I think originated from Facebook, just a list of 25 random facts about myself!

Enjoy!

1. I always wear odd socks. Life’s too short to waste time pairing them up. I have far too many other important things to be doing.
2. I have been on TV once, BBC One’s daytime programme ‘City Hospital’, alongside Heather Mills.
3. Growing up I had a tortoise called ‘Fred.’ One day he got bored with life at our house and went AWOL. We found Fred day’s later, half a mile up the road outside the local newsagents.
4. I am obsessed with even numbers. All volume controls etc have to be set on an even number, apart from, oddly enough, my laptop, which I like to keep at 75.
5. I absolutely hate nuts and won’t touch them with a barge pole!
6. I watch the Disney Channel probably more than any other.
7. My A Level sociology coursework was judged as one of the top 25 in the country back in 2000. I won a dictionary of sociology, surprise surprise, as a prize.
8. The most famous person I have ever met is Belinda Lang (think 2.4 Children).
9. I collect model police cars. I currently have 7.
10. My Mum is learning to play the oboe, at 50-something. It’s never too late to learn.
11. I eat a lot of pic ‘n mix. I’m on a first name basis with most of the staff in our local sweet shop! That’s actually quite embarrassing!
12. My mobile phone is pink!
13. I’m a big fan of ‘Stitch’ (from Lilo and Stitch). I’m building a shrine to him with various bits and bobs from the Disney Store.
14. If I was given a choice between a box of Heroes and a box of Celebrations, the Heroes would win every time.
15. I’m currently working my way through the entire series of London’s Burning, well the box sets that are available, and I’m really appreciating the humour second time round. I was far too young when it was originally shown on ITV1.
16. My favourite piece of clothing is a fleece I got from Fat Face in a sale way back in 1998. It’s still going to this day and I know when it finally becomes no longer wearable I will be devastated.
17. I always go to sleep at night in front of the TV. I know, I know, very bad sleep hygiene!
18. My blood group is ‘A Positive’.
19. I am right handed.
20. In the future I’d love to have a dog. A black Labrador called ‘Colin’.
21. I am a very determined individual. Once I’ve put my mind to something, I do it!
22. When I was eleven I fell off a ski lift in Austria and knocked myself out. A blessing in disguise – I got carried off the mountain by the hottest ski instructor there was!
23. I have very blue eyes.
24. I have watched ER from the very first episode (I was naughty and stayed awake, hidden under the covers with the TV volume down low – it was a school night!) and am very sad to see it finishing at the end of this season.
25. When I ‘grow up’ I want to live in a folly.

That was actually a lot of fun!

Saturday, 14 February 2009

CRB Check and Other Things!

My CRB check came this morning. Finally. The application was submitted in August. I felt absolutely gutted to start with, having opened it. I don’t have any cautions/reprimands/convictions etc but under the ‘Chief Police Officer(s) Discretion’ heading is some information about the circumstances surrounding my detention(s) under the Mental Health Act. In a nutshell, I wasn’t very nice to one of our local policemanofficers and said some things I really shouldn’t have said. To be honest, I find it all so cringeworthy now but hey, onwards and upwards!

I fully understand why the information disclosed is necessary but it encourages all the thoughts bubbling away under the surface at the moment that are questioning ‘recovery’. What’s the point if my past is going to follow me around forever? Looking at it positively though, I’ve had no official contact with the police since February 2007, so the longer that time period elapses the better it’s going to look, for want of a better phrase. I also know that my care team at the CMHT have said that they will support me in the future with whatever I want to do, so maybe the information on my CRB check will not be all that relevant?

And now for the most important news of the day... High School Musical 3 arrived on DVD! It is such an awesome film, and no, I’m not confessing to how many times I saw it at the cinema!

Thursday, 12 February 2009

And Now for Something Completely Different!

Today's distraction techniques have included the following:


No bake chocolate cakes! Mars Bars are surprisingly difficult to chop though... I've got to eat more spinach!

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

On the Frontline

I am having a very intense battle with my self-harm at the moment and it is wearing me out; it’s just exhausting constantly trying to fight the feelings.

Not long ago, I read on a Mental Health Forum I visit, the following:

“Anyway since the last post I got worse and worse, we tried every distraction trick in the book and they only made me worse, I've [been put]on a cocktail of drugs trying to calm me down but they didn't work, and in the end they gave me some dressings and a blade and told me to cut, because they couldn't help anymore. Since then I've been ok head wise, but def want to do it again...”

and it surprised me just how uncomfortable it made me feel. I know the immense relief that can come with using self-harm as a way to manage often totally overwhelming emotions but the idea of being given permission and then the tools to do so, on a mental health unit, just does not feel ‘right.’ I can’t ever see that happening on the acute ward I go to when I am admitted to hospital. It raises so many issues for both staff and patients.

I just wondered what other people’s views were really? I reckon if I was in that situation I’d go full circle and having been given the permission and the necessary equipment would probably then not go on to self-harm. Ironically enough, I think that alone would be enough to somehow dissipate the feelings.

The whole thing has reminded me of something my Mum said to me once: “ThereandBack, if you really must self-harm please use the old towels at the bottom of the airing cupboard and not the newer ones.” That felt very uncomfortable too.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Long Time No See!

I'm tentatively thinking of returning to blogging again after much encouragement and inspiration, I might add, from Madsadgirl.

I don't know why I stopped really... well I do... life got very busy, and I got very involved in various projects and my blog started to become a bit of a pressure... which it was never meant to be... so I stuck my head in the sand and pretended it just didn't exist!

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it (!), Madsadgirl has periodically given me a gentle reminder that it's still here and rather amazingly still has some followers! I feel kind of touched by that, so yeah, thanks everyone.

Friday, 17 October 2008

Would anybody like to...

write my essay for me?!!!

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Just a Bit of Fun!

Borrowed from cellar_door and Alex - just looked like fun!

Instructions:

Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation.

1. The age you'll be on your next birthday


2. A place you'd like to travel to


3. Your favourite place

4. Your favourite food

5. Your favourite pet

6. Your favourite colour combination

7. Your favourite piece of clothing

8. Your favourite TV show

9. The town in which you live

10. Your first job

11. Your dream job

12. A bad habit you have

13. Your worst fear


14. What you'd like to do before you die

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

The Nature of the Beast

I can't stop crying. Haven't been in this place for ages. It just doesn't make any sense, everything has been going so well. All part and parcel of having a mental health problem I guess.

Through the tears I'm trying to unpick it. Somewhere along the line my confidence has taken a massive downfall. Not sure how to get it back.

Friday, 3 October 2008

Clinical Governance Take Two!

The ward manager's take on it all:

"As I said in my last email I was so very impressed & PROUD of you yesterday. You really did a brilliant job & I honestly wouldn't be surprised to see you on TV one day as a journalist/writer/presenter!!!! Nearly brought a tear to my eye & to be honest amongst all of the other red tape & politics that gets discussed, [newsletter] & your involvement is a very real positive thing for me to keep hold of so thanks!"

Can't say fairer than that!

And now I've finished blowing my own trumpet I'm off to cook a pizza for tea!

Thursday, 2 October 2008

Clinical Governance

My psychologist was there! Eeeeek! I had a suspicion she would be because a few months ago I saw her name in the signing in book at the hospital and next to it she had written ‘clinical governance.’ She is, and always has been, very professional, so it was no problem and I just got into the swing of things.

My presentation went very well – everybody clapped at the end! I thought I’d talked too fast but no one else seemed to think so. The chair of the meeting clicked the mouse to move on the page of my PowerPoint presentation while I had a copy in front of me to read from (so glad I had – didn’t think to take my glasses and couldn’t read anything from the projector!). Hopefully our newsletter will now be well publicised in the trust, which was our aim of bringing it to the meeting. I have to say, it was interesting to go, but there was an awful lot of policy and procedure discussed. Very easy to see how easy it is to get bogged down by it all. I’d wondered beforehand if the rest of those attending would think: ‘Ooooh service user present, need to be on our best behaviour!’ but actually I got the impression the meeting ran how they usually do, which felt really good.

I feel so positive about it all. Ward manager and I had a very rocky and difficult relationship a few years back. We were at complete logger heads; she recommended I be transferred to the PICU at one stage, and I hated her for it. Now though, we are just working so well together. I don’t see us ever going back to that stage. Yes I may have difficulties in the future that may affect my work on the newsletter and we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, but I don’t think we’ll be physically struggling with each other in the blackberry bushes again.

That reminds me, ‘Spotlight on...’ post on its way! Topic? Control and Restraint.

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Welcome to my Humble Abode!

I forgot my TV! I have absolutely no idea how that happened, because it's in a huge box, one can't really miss it! My social worker said she'd bring it down for me tomorrow. Annoying though, because I wanted to watch that new show Jamie Oliver is doing on Channel Four. Did anyone watch it? Any good?

Monday, 29 September 2008

Nellie the Elephant Packed her Trunk and said Goodbye to the Circus...!

Probably won't be posting for a couple of days!